So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
