Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
soo... how was my night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
