I wish I could teleport
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
