He is such a slut. More and more my type.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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