So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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