Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
