there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
