I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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