i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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