I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
