my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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