I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
