he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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