I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
