ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
