Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
