he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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