Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
