but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
