i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
