My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
