if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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