apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
