Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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