I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
