Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize