smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize