the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
