at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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