Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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