guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize