We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
