I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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