Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize