You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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