Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
