I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize