i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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