Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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