the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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