i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
