I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I look better un-naked...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
