the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
