I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
