I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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