Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i will never coherently bang her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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