Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize