Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
