I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize