i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Alive.
So much puke
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
