i think i have two assholes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize