we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
