New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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