Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
