I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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