Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
