shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
