I bet he comes in French.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
