I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
