Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
