i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
