I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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