is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
