So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
