All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
