just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
