he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
