Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
