i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We had sex on a dog bed..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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