I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
