Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
