Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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