I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
