You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
