If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
