dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
