While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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