I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
