Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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