So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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