drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
